The Beard Bible Part 2: Song Of The Summer Beard

Upon my shoulders, the burden has been placed to bestow upon you hapless wretches yet another edition of The Beard Bible.  As the dog days of summer approach, I see that many brethren have strayed from the path of righteousness and decided to assume the unburdened visage of a giggly schoolgirl, with no beard to speak of.  This is understandable.  The burden of the beard-wearer is not for all…but do not try to hop back into the Beard gang come fall like nothing happened.  We don’t respect those autumn sproutlings, bro.  Seriously, though, living in DC where the humidity is set to struggle & strife level all summer long, being out and about can be uncomfortable, but my beard has never been an addition to that discomfort.  As we stated in the last edition:

“Moses grew a very serious beard and still led his people to sweet, sweet freedom through the deserts of Egypt, parting seas and burning bush and what-not, so don’t be a sissy.  You can rock a beard in the heat with proper care and maintenance.”

  • Keep Your neck Clean, Bro – I like to keep my neck area clean-shaven in general, but for the summer months, it’s absolutely necessary to keep the neck clean and free of beardage, as it just soaks up the extra sweat that may accumulate in that region.  A good pre-shave oil to prep the skin, a good shave cream and aftershave should hold you down for the actual shave process, but applying moisturizer and tea tree oil daily doesn’t hurt.  Everyone’s skin is different, though, so consult with an expert if possible.  For Black men specifically, our hair grows differently than white folks, so take extra care to observe the results of different products and methods on your skin, as all products aren’t created equal and the majority of products aren’t tailored for your hair type.

    Gerard Butler cut off his Leonidas beard and the roles have only gone downhill from there.
  • Comb It Out – If your hair is of the kinky variety, a night’s sleep can get the beard tangled into a dense mass.  Comb it out and let some air circulate through there.  In addition, combing allows the full length of your beard to prosper as opposed to being matted to your jawline.
  • No Crunchy Beards – Depending on your climate, your beard may begin to dry out and look crispety-crunchity, whereas it looks best when shiny and alluring to the fairer sex.  An inexpensive tea tree oil or an olive-oil finisher works great to keep a healthy shine without crazy buildup and greasiness.
  • Bruh…Wash Your Face – And that doesn’t mean use the same penitentiary-chances-ass bar of Dove you just used to wash your ass crevice, either.  There’s a reason they make different soap for the face than for other parts of the body…and that isn’t just for women.  In fact, if you’re a man that shaves and doesn’t want razor bumps, it’s a good idea to invest in a good toner and cleanser.  And don’t be afraid to go get a facial and/or see a professional about your skin.  To put it simply, they know more than you do.
Teddy Pendergrass is pretty sure he told you to close the goddamn door.

As you can see, these weren’t so much edicts for a “summer beard” but more for year-round grooming.  This is because there is no such thing as a “summer beard”…it is not something we acknowledge as legitimate beardsmanship.  If your woman sees your beard for the first time in the summer and loves it, she’s not gonna be okay with you going back to the Carlton Banks chin in the fall, no matter how supportive she seems to be.  Grow it and keep it and if you already have it, go forth and prosper.

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